Hitori dake de
by SasuXNaru is my drug
Summary: OK. Some of this is what happened to me or my friend's. Saske is a troubled gay teen that need's someone to comfort him. But is afraid to hut himself or anyone else.This is SasuXNaru, so dont read if you dont like yaoi.
1. Brainwashing

_**This is yaoi if you don't like it then dont read.**_

Normal P.O.V.

Sasukes mother and Sasuke were walking through the park .Sasuke thought the sakura were beutuful. The site was breathtaking. Him and his mother were walking around and suddenly his mother makes a disgusted face.She looks as if he were going to throw-up.I look over in the directiomn she was looking at.There were two males holding hands.One was taller than the other.He had shirt red hair with a tight black tee-shirt on and tight jeans.The other man was about an inch or so shorter with a lip ring.He was wearing a red shirt with baggy jeans.While they were walking the went under a Sakura tree and the taller guy whispered somthing in the shorter mans ear. Then they started kissing each other. "Mother why ar your making such a disgusted face.are you feeling ok?"

"Sasuke, you do understad that only boys and girls are supposed to like one another right?"

"Yes mother i understand."

"Demo, Mother then why are those two guys kissing.?"(1)

" Well sometimes people are subjected to bad influences or are mistreated and when they are young sometimes they end up liking the same sex..Which i need you to understand is wrong alright."

" Hai, wakarimasu." (2)

She smiled at Sasuke.

"Do you want to go to the Ramen shop.?"

" Yes , mother."

End memmory

_**This is where the brainwashing began for Sasuke.**_

_**(1)Demo means but **_

_**(2)Hai wakarimasu means yes I understand.**_


	2. Relationships

This is sasu naru if you dont like it then dont read it.I know most of you are tiired of waiting or gave up on me srry. my comp never saves the file.

Old Memmories part !

I dont want to remmember things like that it get me thinking too much.And nothing good ever comes out of it.I end up deppressed and guilty.I should feel giuty its all my fault anyways.If I wasn't born they would have better lifes.They would be normal people not mentaly or physically scared for life.

God knows I miss them with all my heart.Its not right.All of that wasnt supposed to happen.Thing should be the way they used to be.Thats why I hate myself.I bring nothing but saddnes and lonliness in the life I touch.Or they hate me in the end.

No one loves mye anymore they were all taken away.They are always taken away.They have to be taken away I dont diserve them.I never will I'm worthless.All I diserve is to beed and be bulied. I diserve all the things I have to put up with.

I diserved Itachi to get sent away.He didn't deserve too .But I deserved to have him taken away.I deserved Aki to- I gasp. I can feel my tears backing up behind my eyes.I feel one stream down the side of my face onto my jeans.

I didn't deserve him either.No one deserves him.Why do I do this to people. Te only thing that I deserve is to die..Im just a stupid usless unwant faggot.

I let the tears stream down my cheek.My breathing rigid.My eyes sting from crying so much.So does my face.Why wont I just die.Why cant I die then I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore.My life this world, anything .

I slowly start to dream.Well its moe like a nightmare.

_**NightmareMemmory **_

_"I missed you so much koi."_

_The red haired boy ran over to Sasuke and kissed him tenderly on the lips and wrapped him in a tight embrace._

_They started walking .Way off in the distance you can see sakura trees._

_"Me too." Sasuke replied._

_Sasuke gave him a kiss on the cheek,_

_"Gods I have missed you."_

_"I missed you too utskushii."_

_"Aki, why cant we just run away from all this.And go to a place where we can live without hiding out relationship."_

_"I dont know Sasu ."_

_"I know but i can dream. Can i not?"_

_"true, true."_

_" You always suprise me, you know I love looking at sakura trees."_

_Both boys sat down under one of the largetst trees.Aki was sitting against the tree.Sasuke was sitting inbetween his legs with his head resting on akis' shoulder curled up._

_" Have I told you I love you lately.?"_

_" No you only said it a few hundred times."_

_" You don't have totease.Your always so mean to me."_

_" Yeah, but no matter how meen I am I always make up for it don't I?"_

_Sasuke looked into the Sky blue eyes.then itched his lips closer to Akis' face.He pressed them ever so lightly on his bishounens' lips.Aki pressed back lightly.They stayed like that for they don't know how long.Time flew by when ever they were together.Niether one of them noticed they eyes slide shut._

_Finaly aki broke the kiss and slowly moved his head away trying to get is breathing stedy once more, as Sasuke too._

_"Ugh , how do you do that I mea-"_

_Sasuke started kissing him again.Presing their lips together .Softly nipping at his lip.Aki moaned.Sasuke ran his tounge over his lips. Aki slowly opened his mouth.He let Sasuke dominate the kiss.Sasuke raked his fingers through his boys short red hair and tugged on it.Aki moaned louder. Finally Sasuke let go._

_"Ugh. dont do this to me." Aki half moaned._

_"Your making horny."_

_"Oh sorry." Sasuke fake apoligized_

_"Mmmm don't stop." Sasuke 'Accidentaly' moved against Aki._

_" Such a tease." Aki hissed._

_"So."_

_Sasuke smirked."Heh, you know you like it."_

_Then he acidentaly moved again._

_"You always do this."_

_"Mmmm , fuck."_

_"Not here , but I could up against the wall." He rocked his hips against Akis._

_"At ypur place."He rocked again. he can heal him self starting to get hard._

_" My place ," Rock."On my bed," Rock." On the floor," " You screaming my name."_

_The mental images making both of them hornier._

_"Anyone as long as it is you my aisuru." He moaned._

_They were both close."Sasuke stop. Please."_

_" Ugh, but I'm so close."_

_He rocked his hips at painfully slow pace._

_"Sasuke please stop, I'm not ready please."_

_"Ugh Aki. why."_

_Sasuke stoped."I'm sorry, please dont be mad at me."_

_" I could never be mad at you." Sasuke kissed the left side of Akis' neck._

_Then he started sucking on it._

_" Sasuke." he gasped._

_" please I asked - ugh you to stop-ahh."_

_"Fine."_

_"I dont know how you do this to me."_

_"Sorry, mmmm you just get me so hot its hard not to touch you.KIss you .Feel you.You are worse than any drug,Your so addicting.So perfect so just you."_

_Sasuke snuggled into Akis chest this time really accidentaly brushing against the other man._

_" Sasukeee." _

_Sasuke bit his lip. Fuck he's doing it again. HIs penis throbbed. He tried to ignore the wonderful sounds the other man was making.But he did not succed.._

_" Mmmmm. fuck Aki." he moaned_

_" Dont talk like that your going to make me cum."_

_Sasuke bit his lip he was so close._

_But he ignored it. started to soften._

_"Lets just get up.I 'm truly not ready."_

_"Fine."_

_Sasuke stood up first even though it was difficult.Aki then stood up._

_"I am sorry I truly am but im just.I'am scared."_

_"No need to explain.I wont push you if you don't want to."_

_"Well goodbye I 'll see you tomarrow. love."_

_"Goodbye, koi."_

_He gave him a quick kiss on the lips.So they wouldn't get started again._

_Sasuke sighed.Then went home.He ran upstairs and took a very cold shower._

_Then went to bed.He should have known the next day was going to be hell.Sasuke woke up got out of bed . Took a shower. Dried off and put a pair of jeans on and a t-shirt.Then he walk down the stairs.His mother was in the other room with his father._

_"Sasuke come here please." He heard his mother say._

_"yes okaa-san" Sasuke walking into the den.His father motioned for him to sit on the couch.His mother and father pulled their chair._

_"Sasuke, can I ask you a question and have you answer truthfully.?" My mother asked._

_I look her in the eye "yes."_

_"Good. Do you remmember what happened to your brother right.?"_

_I nod my head._

_"You know why he left do you not?"_

_I nod._

_" You also know you should never do what he did. Correct.?"_

_I nod._

_"So why were you in the park with Aki?"_

_She spat aki name like it were puke._

_I paniced, she saw she saw oh god what am I going to do."What do you mean mother."_

_"Do not play coy with me Sasuke." "Do you want to end up like your brother! You want to follow in his footsteps!?"_

_"Mother I don't know what you mean Aki and me are just friends nothing more."_

_"Damn it Sasuke don't lie to me.My friend told me that she saw you and Aki in the park." what am I going to do.She never cursed before never._

_"But mother why is it so wrong?" " Do you not want me to be happy?He makes me happy he is everything I ever dreamed of.eveything I will ever want or need."_

_His mother got up and and smacked him._

_"look at me!"_

_"you will not like boys. It is disgusting.Replsive and moraly wrong got it!"_

_"y-yes mother."_

_" I can't hear you!"_

_" Gomen nasai, Okaa-san."_

_"You can not and will not ever see him again If I har you were seen with him you will wish you were dead." She said in her low threatening voice._

_"I will not allow you to be an emmbarassment.You will not be gay.You are straight.You will marry a woman and you will keep the clan going got it?! This is just a phase you just want to rebel! Wivh you will not!"_

_I shuddered. _

_"Yes Okaa-san."_

_I got up and went up stairs.That night I cried my heart out.And fell asleep on my bed._

_**Sasukes P. O. V.**_

_When I awoke it was a school day.My alarm was ringing repetitivly It was actually starting to annoy me. I turn it off._

_I grab a towel take a quick shower.Dry off and pick out some clothes to wear to school.I look in the mirror I notice my eyes are a little red._

_Flashback_

_"Aki, why cant we just run away from all this.And go to a place where we can live without hiding out relationship."_

_"I dont know Sasu ."_

_"I know but i can dream. Can i not?"_

_"true, true."_

_Sasuke snuggled into Akis chest._

_So why were you in the park with Aki?"_

_"Damn it Sasuke don't lie to me.My friend told me that she saw you and Aki in the park." what am I going to do.She never cursed before never_

_"But mother why is it so wrong?" " Do you not want me to be happy?He makes me happy he is everything I ever dreamed of.eveything I will ever want or need."_

_Now I remmember the thing that happened yesterday.The one I love.My heart is breaking.You know that wieght you feel on your chest when your deppressed or when someone you love dies.That is what I feel but it is worse that anything else._

_I lost my surushii, my beloved.I hhave nothing to live for.I cant see him.I cant talk to him I can't touch him.I can't smell his intoxicating scent._

_I feel like dieing.Like going into a corner and crying my heart out again.I want to be invisible.From this day on I will never love my parents forgive them I will hate them._

_I dispise them,They Re the most disgusting creatures alive.They are dispicible.Repulsive even. _

_I walk down the stairs.My mother smiles at me .She is acting as if yesterday never happened.My dad also._

_"Good bye Okaa-san."_

_I leave the house and head for school.I arrive and walk to my class.There he is.I cant look at him I am about to burst into tears.I tell the teacher I have to go to the bathroom.he gives me a pass I run out.I hear some footsteps come from behind me.I look back it's Aki._

_I run faster I cannot talk to him .the tears are falling ever so freely.I run into the bathroom and curl up in a ball.I cry my heart out.Aki walks in._

_"Sasuke."_

_He starts to walk over. " Go away!"_

_He is so confused this is killing me.Its eating me alive."what did I do I'll do anything to make it up to you.Please what ever i did forgive me." He pleaded._

_"They say they know about us.They won't let me see you.Please dont make this harder than it already is._

_He walks over and hugs me so tightly.Like it will take away what happened.Althoughtit makes me feel better.What am I going to do.I am in love what can I do?_

_I will have to run away.Thats it."Aki can I live with you?"_

_He looked at me. Sasid Ok. Everything in the word was perfect._

_That night I packed up all my stuff that I needed and went to Akis house.My parents did not know where it was.So things were perfect._

_For a little while..._

_TBC_

_wow I know the update was seriously late please review.I will write longer chapters._


	3. what to do?

I'm finally back.I know i have absolutly no excuse , but school has been really hard so...Yeah.But I am back!

What was I thinking? I am sure I was on drugs then, but i actually thought that things would be perfect. I know I got into that scene a while afterward..But back to what happened. My mother must have started missing her other possesion.She started searching for me.

Eventually they got the police involved. but Aki still hid me.He didn't want to turn me in. I talked him into it.It was for the best. Unfourtunatly My mother found me first... She found me and took me away.

She threatened him and his family. When she first had the police involved I tryed to turn myself in but Aki wouldn't let me. I told him that it was for the best. He wouldn't listen at all.Everything went into one ear and out of the other.

He repeatedly insisted that I stay. That everything would blow over.We could stay together forever.'All good things must come to an end'. This saying definatly applies to my situation.Eventually my mother found me. She threatened them.

She planned on putting them all in jail. For 'kidnapping' me.Money speaks louder than words so she almost got her wish. Almost. I came up with a propasistion for them. They don't come here ever again. They cannot talk to me get in touch with me in any way shape of form.

She thank god. Listened to me.That night they left for ever. The sad thing is I can bearly remmember his face.It's so blurry. My mother never see's me either does my father. Their jobs are their life.The only reason they got me back way to punish me.

I was not allowed to even speak to the same sex for a year after that...My mother was way overly protective. She said that Aki corrupted my mind. That I was not gay it was just curiosity. I would beg to differ.

I was devistated for a year after his leaving. I started 'moving on' meaning I started sleeping more than 3 hours at night. Started eat ing mor than one bowl of rice a day. Started getting rid of the pain that was turning into a dull throb.

The enormous weight upon my cheast. The guilt, the sorrow , the pain, that pain which I inflicted upon myself. The agony from being away from my one and only. The love I thought that I had for my one and only.

I am such a terrible, dispicable, undeserving person. The person I supposedly loved with all my heart... Means nearly nothing to me now. I haven't seen him since that day either. Mabey it wasn't love. Mabey he was just a crush.

I don't ever think that I will love anyone in anyway. There is only person I cared about that it still hurts to know they are gone.Itachi... Tears form. I wish I could find you. You were the only one that I could rely on. The one that understood me.

If only you could come back. If only I knew where you ran off too. I miss you so much you cannot even imagine. I miss you Onii-san... Please come back I need you.. Please Kami bring him back to me !

I need some serious sleep. I need to get my mind off of thing's. Something to distract me. Atleast in dream's I can escape. From the Hat. The Pain. The Horrible though's and unpleasnt memmories. Brother come back... Please... I finally drift off into a deep sleep.

--

Morning

I wake up with the sun sneaking through the curtains into my room. I look over toward my clock, 6:00. Ugh. I want to stay in bed.But today sadly, is school. I amost forgot. I get up, walk over to my closet and pull out the uniforn my mother grabed yesterday.

I set the clothes onto the bed. I change out of my clothes, take a shower, dry off. I brush my teeth then walk back into the bedroom. Then I slip into the simple white shirt and black pants. I yawn. I should have gotten more sleep instead of bawling like a little kid.

I look at the clock again. 6:25 I gotta hurry up if I am walking. Mabey I can take the bus. Mosty likely not though... I look in the mirror fix my hair my bangs in my face and it down in the back. I slip on my shoes and head out of the door.

I start walking to Konohagakure High. It's a preety nice day. Suprisingly even to me It lightens my mood somehow. I don't know why at the momment. Usually my mood is the same all of the time. Always gloomy and depressed. Or at times frustated or pissed.

I'm, for once, am happy to be going to school. Mabey I can use this as a fresh start. What am I saying all that I will accomplish is ruining others lives. I will not be selfish.I will not do this for my own benifit. Mabey thing's can change.

What if the people don't even like me.? What if I don't even meet anyone that want's to talk to me? Who would want to talk to a selfish self-obsorbed person like me.? What if I become friends with someone and they reject me because of my past.?

Or if they don't like gay people? What am I going to do? Ugh, what is with all the questions? I'll just worry about these thing's if they happen.If they don't then that is even better. There is no reason to worry about something that doesn't even happen.

I didn't even notice that I was almost at school, I was too wraped up in my own thought's. When I reach the school two girl's from last year come up to me. " Sasuke. Ii genki desu ka. " What should I say...I don't want to lead her on. She always had a thing for me.


End file.
